Potion Nightmare
by RJStephenson
Summary: When Snape is out of class due to an accident who will substitute for the Potion class? How about Gordon Ramsay? Rated T for swear words.


Potion Nightmare

A/N: I saw a tumblr post that said what if Gordon Ramsay taught potion. And I was like OMG that will be epic. I'm a Gordon Ramsay fan so I just said why not? And wrote this thing. Just a silly short fic.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Gordon Ramsay. You can't own a person because that's slavery and it's illegal.

At the Great Hall, Hermione came running to her 2 best friends. "Guys!" she panted. "Guys did you hear? Snape is out sick!"

"What? Snape is sick?" said Ron failing to hide his glee. Hermione nodded. "Yep. I heard some 6th screwed up a Potion and made it explode. Snape was caught on it and now in St Mungo!" said Hermione.

"Then, who is teaching Potions when Snape is gone?" Harry wondered. Hermione shrugged. "I don't know. Some Scottish guy I heard. The upperclassman are telling me he is really strict."

"Oh well. He can't be any worse then Snape. Can he?" said Ron.

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They had Potions with Slytherins. Harry, Ron and Hermione rushed to the Potion class and sat next to the other Gryffindors. Slytherins were on the other side. "Hey Potter!" Malfoy yelled.

"What do you want Malfoy?" Harry asked groaning. "You know we have sub today right?" "Who doesn't?" said Ron.

"I saw him and he looked tough and mean. You better watch out Longbottom and go find that missing brain of yours. It's probably not going to go well if you screw potion up in front of the sub!" Malfoy said laughing.

Neville went red and Ron tried to say something back, but he was interrupted. A sandy haired man wearing a white jacket came in with an extremely strict and stern face.

Then on the board he wrote PROFESSOR GORDON RAMSAY. The he turned to class. "Professor Ramsay. That is how you will address me. I am here because Professor Snape is out sick. I will not tolerate any kind of messing arounds or screw ups! Now shut your traps and get your asses on the seat!" Professor Ramsay barked.

No one objected to what he said and quickly set down. "Now, I have looked through your reports about your potion works. And honestly, all I can say is all of you are not getting the mark you deserve." said Professor Ramsay.

Neville squirmed uncomfortably while Slytherins sniggered, until they realized Professor Ramsay said all of them, which mean them as well.

"Today, we will brew Cure for boils, INDIVIDUALLY. Any questions?" Professor Ramsay said loudly. When no one answered he continued. "Instructions are on the board and you have an hour to work on the potion Start now."

They all quickly began working. Neville looked dismayed that he had to work alone.

Professor Ramsay went around looking at everyone's potion. He would sometimes just stare or make comments.

"Longbottom! What just happened?" Professor Ramsay barked as he saw Neville's cauldron melted. "I…. melted my cauldron sir." Neville said timidly. "Well then get your ass up and get another cauldron and start over!" yelled Professor Ramsay. Neville restarted the potion while trembling.

"Weasley! Why is the potion green when it is suppose to be yellow?" Professor Ramsay said as he inspected Ron's cauldron. "Um… I don't know sir." "Oh! You don't know! Well I will fuckin tell you Mr I don't know. You didn't add the horned slug!" Professor Ramsay yelled.

Malfoy sniggered and Professor Ramsay immediately turned around. "Oh you think this is funny Malfoy? Well I will tell you what is even more funny. YOU. You are nothing but a stuck up ponce who thinks he is so high and mighty at potions when in reality, you are virtually doing NOTHING RIGHT!" Professor Ramsay screamed.

Malfoy turned red and under normal circumstance, the Gryffindor would have laughed at the Slytherins trouble, but they all wisely kept their mouth shut.

The Potion class continued with similar fashion. Professor Ramsay would scream stuff like "This potion is so red, it could be passed as a Weasley!" or "This potion is so watery I could start a fucking water park here!"

Needless to say, the Potion class was a bigger disaster than the usual.

\- HPGWRHR HPGWRHR HPGWRHR HPGWRHR HPGWRHR HPGWRHR HPGWRHR HPGWRHR HPGWRHR HPGWRHR HPGWRHR HPGWRHR-

Few days later, they had another Potion class. No one, even the Slytherins were keen on going.

"Alright good morning. Today, we are going to split the class between Gryffindor and Slytherin." said Professor Ramsay. "And then, I want you to get into a group of two."

They all got into groups of two. Harry became a group Ron, Hermione became a group with Neville, Parvati and Lavender became a group, Seamus and Dean became a group.

In Slytherin, Malfoy and Parkinson became a group, Crabbe and Goyle became a group, Nott became a group with Zabini and Bulstrode became a group with Greengrass.

"Now, we will be brewing a sleeping draught. I will give you 80 minutes to complete. When you are done, 1 group from each team will come up and present the potion to me. I will give a potion to better of the two. In the end, the team with most point will get a prize. While for the losing team, there will be a labor." finished Professor Ramsay.

Everyone began to whisper excitedly about what the reward might be. Then Professor Ramsay yelled, "You're 80 minute starts now!"

They all began working quickly. Poor Neville looked more nervous than ever, even with Hermione's comforting words.

Harry and Ron were working efficiently, where Harry would cut the ingredients while Ron stirred.

Before they knew it, Professor Ramsay shouted 60 minutes gone, 20 minutes to go!

To Harry and Ron's relief, they were nearly complete with the Potion. But Neville and Hermione's potion still didn't look ready. The Gryffindors could all see Neville was doing his best and they were all hoping Neville doesn't screw up.

Soon the class began to finish their potion. Some finished with 15 minutes left, while some handed over there potion when 10 minute was left. Harry and Ron handed there potion over when there was 7 minutes left.

Harry and Ron were nervously watching Hermione and Neville along with the other Gryffindors. They had to finish their potion soon. Then with 30 seconds left, Neville and Hermione finished their potion.

"Alright first team bring up the Potion." Harry and Ron brought their potion while Crabbe and Goyle brought their potion.

Professor Ramsay started to inspect their potion. Professor Ramsay started with Crabbe and Goyle's potion. "Oh fuck me." he swored.

The potion was just a grey lumpy mess. "Crabbe, Goyle care to explain what this is?"

"Sleeping draught." they said. "This is not a fucking sleeping draught. This is a perfect example of what garbage is." Professor Ramsay said as he threw the potion in the trash can.

"That sleeping draught, is probably capable of waking up the dead. Exactly how you two gorillas manage to create that shit I wonder." said Professor Ramsay.

Then he began to inspect Harry and Ron's potion. "Hmm…. Right color…. Liquidity is ok…" Then he looked at Harry and Ron who looked anxious. "It's not brilliant." said Professor Ramsay. Harry and Ron looked down. "But it's not bad. Congratulations. The point goes to Gryffindor."

Gryffindors cheered while harry and Ron went stepped down looking victorious. Slytherin were not cheering.

"Alright next group." said Professor Ramsay. Parvati and Lavender stepped in while Nott and Zabini stepped in from the Slytherin.

This time, Professor Ramsay inspected Slytherin's potion first. "The color is spot on. And it works perfectly." said Professor Ramsay as he tested out the potion to a rat. "Well done you two." Nott and Zabini looked smug.

Then Professor Ramsay looked at Gryffindor's potion. "Oh no what's this?" said Professor Ramsay. He poured out the potion into a cauldron and on the bottom of the phial, there were lumps of undissolved ingredients." Parvati and Lavender gulped.

"It looks like you didn't stir it enough. Patil, Brown! Next time, I suggest you save your gossip for bathroom time and focus on stirring at potion time. The point goes to Slytherin."

Parvati and Lavender came back looking sad while Slytherins cheered.

"Alright next group." Seamus and Dean stepped in while MIllicent Bulstrode and Daphne Greengrass also stepped in.

Seamus and Dean were twirling their fingers nervously as Professor Ramsay looked at their potion. "It's actually quite well done." said Professor Ramsay. Seamus and Dean high fived.

Professor Ramsay looked at Bulstrode and Greengrass's potion. "This one is also not that bad."

Bulstrode and Greengrass let out a sigh. "Well…. This is a tough one. I will just give both of you a point."

Both Gryffindor and Slytherin cheered. "Which leaves us with the final potion. This final point will determine the winner." Neville and Hermione stepped front looking nervous.

Malfoy and Parkinson were gleeful. "There is no way I will lose to that mudblood and squib." Malfoy said under his breath.

Professor Ramsay looked at Malfoy and Parkinson's potion. He turned it around and checked it without saying anything. Then he put down Malfoy and Parkinson's potion. "Malfoy, Parkinson. Do you think there is anything wrong with this potion?" asked Professor Ramsay.

"Nope. It is perfect. Now tell us that you are giving Slytherin a point sir." Malfoy said smugly as if he had already won.

"You're Potion may look good in the outside. But why don't we test it out?" Professor Ramsay took the potion and fed it to one of the rat he had fed a sleeping draught to. The rat instantly got up and began to scurry around.

"You, added 3 blobs of Flobberworm mucus. The recipe says add 2 blobs of Flobberworm mucus. When you add another Flobberworm mucus, it has the opposite effect of the Sleeping draught." Professor Ramsay told him.

"What! This is ridiculous. There is no way I failed this. Those stupid Gryffindors probably sabotaged our potion!" said Malfoy.

"Oh so you are calling me a liar then?" asked Professor Ramsay. "Let me tell you one thing Mr I am Perfect. You have created a potion that has the exact opposite of the potion we were suppose to make. Regardless of what you say, the potion proves that you are wrong. I suggest you man up and accept responsibility or just stop I'm superior than thou attitude." said Professor Ramsay firmly.

The class was quiet. Nobody said anything while Malfoy went red on his face.

"Now before I check your potion I have a question for you two." said Professor Ramsay as he looked at Neville and Hermione.

"You two have finished the potion last. In fact, you finished the potion when there was 30 seconds left. If you have slipped even once, you wouldn't have finished the potion in time. Why is that? Why did it take you two so longer than others?" Professor Ramsay asked.

Hermione tried to explain but Neville stopped her. "It's my fault Professor." Neville said quietly.

Professor Ramsay raised his eyebrows and Neville continued. "I was scared that I might not be able to make the potion properly. I was afraid that my horrible skill in potion might hold back Hermione. I was scared and I couldn't concentrate. I think what I made is probably the worst one in the class." Neville said sadly.

"Neville. Look at this." Professor Ramsay said. Professor Ramsay tested the potion on a rat and the rat fall to sleep immediately.

"Neville. There is nothing wrong with your potion." said Professor Ramsay.

The Gryffindors cheered while Neville sighed in relief. Professor Ramsay put his hands on Neville's shoulder.

"Neville. This is a fine work. You have skills. You are dedicated. That is a type of people I want to see in this class. What you lack is the confidence. So just stop berating yourself, and have confidence." said Professor Ramsay.

Neville nodded tearfully while Hermione shook Neville's hand and thanked him. " The Point goes to Gryffindor." said Professor Ramsay. The Gryffindors all cheered while they hugged Neville or gave him a pet in the back. Neville looked so happy. No Professor has ever encouraged him like this except Professor Ramsay.

"Now Gryffindors. For your reward, you are dismissed from your classes for rest of the day. Because you, are going to get your own little trip to Hogsmeade. Don't worry, I have the headmaster's permission." said Professor Ramsay.

The Gryffindors cheered loudly while they hugged each other and high fived. "Now Slytherin. You are in for a hard labor. You are going to clean the potion classroom. Starting with the mess all of you created while you were making this potion." said Professor Ramsay.

Slytherins all grumbled but knew nothing could be done to get them out of this. "What are you waiting for? Get your asses up and work!" said Professor Ramsay.

Then Professor Ramsay turned to the Gryffindors. "You lot. Go get changed and go to Hogsmeade!" said Professor Ramsay.

The Gryffindor all thanked him and rushed to their dormitory immediately.

Professor Ramsay said turned to Malfoy. "Hold it Malfoy. You're not going to clean the classroom. You're doing something else." said professor Ramsay.

He took Malfoy to the Potion cupboard. "You are going to clean the Potion cupboard alone."

"What! Why? Why am I cleaning this alone?" Malfoy demanded. "Did you seriously think I didn't hear you use the word mudblood? I don't allow discriminations. Blood has nothing to do with skills and if blood mattered, I would say it sucks to be a pureblood based on today's results." said Professor Ramsay.

\- HPGWRHR HPGWRHR HPGWRHR HPGWRHR HPGWRHR HPGWRHR HPGWRHR HPGWRHR HPGWRHR HPGWRHR HPGWRHR HPGWRHR-

On their way to Hogsmeade, Ron spoke up. "You know, I really like the sub." "I think he is good, but did he really have to cancel the afternoon classes?" said Hermione. "I think that man really knows how to use the stick and carrot."

Hermione nodded while Ron looked confused. "The stick and what?" "It's a muggle expression Ronald. So basically, Professor Ramsay is super strict when it comes to Potions. And he punishes anyone who fails dearly. But he also knows how to give rewards and comfort." said Hermione. The Trio arrived at Hogsmeade, where they spent the entire afternoon buying, drinking and chatting about Professor Ramsay and what the Slytherins might be doing right now.

A/N: So how was it? I know when people normally say Gordon Ramsay he is usually thought as a guy who swears and yells at people but I wanted to tell people there is more to Gordon Ramsay then that. He yells and punishes people harshly but he also knows how to reward people and he gives one of the best comforting words. Please leave a review!


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